ZEITGEIST 911 CONSPIRACY MOVIES

Bill O'Reilly says to Phil Donahue: "My nephew serves in the military."
"That's nice," says Phil. "But that's not your son."
"DON'T YOU DENIGRATE HIS SERVICE OR I'LL BOOT YOU RIGHT OFF THE SET!"
"You can't scare me, Bill. I'm not Jeremy Glick."
"Well you're a little bit more intelligent than him. But Jeremy actually had the audacity to say that 9/11 was orchestrated by the President of the United States! You don't BELIEVE that, do you?"

No, I'm thinking.

But that was before I saw Zeitgeist. Yes, it's the famous internet "conspiracy" film that probably came out a couple of years ago when everyone was talking conspiracy.
I, of course, only saw it yesterday. (That's because we live up in MONTANA, yippers -we barely have running water much less that Internet widget). And BECAUSE I only saw it yesterday, I'm still kind of reeling.

PHONE CONVERSATION:

"Hi, Mom. It's me."
"Hi Kerry, is everything okay?" (My Mom calls me Kerry because I'm Kerry Wolf ...).
(Silence).
"Kerry?" she says.
"Mom, I know you're not going to believe this. Are you sitting down? Listen, I just heard something today. Where's Dad?"
I can tell she's doing things in the background. There's a lot of background noise. The TV is on.
"Mom!" I say, "Just listen to me. 911 might be a CONSPIRACY by our government."
(Silence).
(She is a democrat. Hardened realist.)
(She is now thinking that this might be the time in my life I take a hard left turn and also take up religion).
"See Mom," I say. "Building #7 was never hit by the airplanes. And it went down. And those looked like planned demolitions. The reinforcers were cut at 45 degree angles ..."
She interrupts. "Well yes, Kerry. That's interesting. Skip is coming home so I have to put the carrots in the pot now."
(Silence).
"But Mom ... George Washington wouldn't ..."
"Listen," she says. "If you want a complete breakdown of a debunking of the 9/11 conspiracy myth, go to Popular Mechanics:

www.popularmechanics.com/technology/military_law/1227842.html."

And suddenly, I can't tell you, this huge swell of pressure releases from my gut. Ah yes! Leave it up to Mom!
I'm so happy. I may as well not even go to the website. If Mom said they have debunked the myth, why even bother? I can sleep soundly now! The country is not run by the Warburgs and the Rockefellers, there is a law that explains the income tax, and Jesus is not based on the Egyptian sun god Horus because they proved it in POPULAR MECHANICS!

www.popularmechanics.com/technology/military_law/1227842.html

Okay let's do an analysis.

What has happened is that Michael Moore ...

("He's a FAT over the hill documentary filmmaker!", my ex-girlfriend said. I rebut, "Is that why you didn't like 'Bowling for Columbine, because he's fat?" "Yes," she says. I roll my eyes. "What if he was skinny?" I ask. "Then I would love it" she says. That's the statement that broke us up.)

... Michael Moore has unleashed this storm of over the hill fat documentary filmmakers who actually have something to say. No longer will their voices be limited to unsuspecting college kids in coffee shops. Now they have the internet.

And so there is a bevy of these conspiracy movies now raining over the net, as you probably know. You got: "Endgame" (terrible, this is why you avoid coffee shops), "Zeitgeist" (excellent, check out zeitgeistmovie.com), "Loose Change" (the movie that started it all), and "Freedom to Fascism" (very good by the director of "Trading Places"), and a slew of other movies to make you feel sick inside.

"I don't watch those movies," my buddy Paul says, "They only make me depressed. I didn't even see '9/11' or 'Sicko'. I knew I'd want to kill myself when I was done."

"But isn't that good?" I say. "To be moved? I like to be moved. When I'm done watching a movie I want to be tempted to start a revolution. That's all Che Gueverra did. He just saw 'My Dinner with Andre.'"

HOURS LATER. MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.

I just wrote a song called "There would be no Al Gore without Michael Moore." But I wrote it inside my head. I'm actually currently too scared to pick up my guitar, because the government might not like it. I have locked myself in front of the internet behind closed curtains as that one prevailing question rockets through my mind: "WHAT IF?"

And I think of the words of Ron Paul: "Does it really matter if the Federal Income Tax is unconstitutional? No, it all depends on who's got the guns."

I don't know how I'm going to continue living. My only choice, I guess, is to go to Bernice's Bakery and accost some college kid with all my cool new ideas.

"Listen kid," I say, shoving a bagel in my mouth. I look over at some chess players drinking coffee in the distance. Focus. "What we've got to do is debunk the debunkers. And then, debunk those debunkers who debunk the debunkers who debunk the debunkers. Understand? Good. Now. Jeremy Glick actually had the audacity to say that 9/11 was orchestrated by the President of the United States! You don't believe that, do you? You better not disagree with me or I'll kick you right off this set!"